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האם סנטה קלאוס קיים באמת?

MiniMizer

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There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in

the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim,

Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this

reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378

million according to the population reference bureau).

At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes

to 108 million homes, presuming there is at least one good child in

each. Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to

the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming east

to west (which seems logical).

This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that for

each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th

of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill

the stocking, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat

whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump

into the sleigh and get onto the next house.

Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed

around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will

accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking

about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles,

not counting bathroom stops or breaks. This means Santa's sleigh is

moving at 650 miles per second- 3,000 times the speed of sound. For

purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses

space probe, moves at a pokey 27.4 miles per second, and a

conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.

The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming

that each child gets more than a medium sized LEGO set (two

pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousands tons, not counting

Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than

300 pounds. Even granting that the "flying" reindeer can pull 10

times that normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even

NINE of them-Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the

payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons,

or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship,

not the monarch).

600,000 tons travelling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air

resistance - this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a

spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere.

The lead pair of reindeer would adsorb 14.3 quintillion joules of

energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost

instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating

deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would

be vaporised within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the

time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip.

Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of

accelerating from a dead stop to 650 m.p.s. in .001 seconds, would be

subjected to acceleration forces of 17,000 g's. A 250 pound Santa

(which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the

sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and

organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo.

Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now.

Merry Christmas

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