If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's the famous erudite scientist who once said: "I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen, and replaced, by exact duplicates".

His mind sees things differently than we do, to our amazement and amusement.

Here are some of his gems:

1- I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

2- Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.

3- Half the people you know are below average.

4- 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5- 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

6- A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

7- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

8- If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.

9- All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.

10- The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

11- I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.

12- OK, so what's the speed of dark?

13- How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

14- If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

15- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

16- When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

17- Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

18- Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.

19- I intend to live forever. so far, so good.

20- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

21- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

22- What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

23- My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

24- Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

25- If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

26- A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

27- Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

28- The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

29- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

30- The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

31- The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch-up.

32- The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

33- Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.

משעשע בהחלט ;D

Half the people you know are below average.

that's simply not true

זה ממש לא הדבר היחידי שלא נכון שם

לא כזה מצחיק...

זה ממש לא הדבר היחידי שלא נכון שם

i stopped reading there

If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's the famous erudite scientist who once said: "I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen, and replaced, by exact duplicates".

His mind sees things differently than we do, to our amazement and amusement.

כיף לקרוא אבל מה זאת ההקדמה הבולשיטית הזאת

זה סתם אוגדן של ציטוטים לא קשורים, חלקם חוקי מרפי

11- I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me  before we met.

12- OK, so what's the speed of dark?

13- How do you tell  when you're out of invisible ink?

15- Depression is merely anger  without enthusiasm.

23- My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made  your horn louder."

31- The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required  to be on it.

33- [glow=red,2,300]Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have  film[/glow].

:lol: :lol: :screwy: :cool2: :smile1:

מהההההה תפרשו לעברית במקום לשחק אותה מיקצועים באנגלית...

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מהההההה תפרשו לעברית במקום לשחק אותה מיקצועים באנגלית...

מה הקשר? זה שאתה עילג ולא יודע אנגלית זה לא אומר שהוא צריך לתרגם את זה בשבילך. ככה הוא קיבל את זה.

למה לא נכון? הוא לא ציין איזה ממוצע, יכול להיות שהוא התכוון לממוצע בין אלה שאתה מכיר, ולכן חצי מהאנשים שאתה מכיר מתחת לממוצע( וככל שהשונות גדולה יותר-> כך שמים לב לכך יותר ויותר).

2- Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.

5- 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

12- OK, so what's the speed of dark?

16- When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

17- Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

18- Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.

19- I intend to live forever. so far, so good.

20- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

23- My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

25- If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

29- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

אלה הטובים בעיני.. אבל הכי מצחיק ללא ספק זה 23

ענק , אהבתי

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